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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

WAX ON WAX OFF (cover your ears, gonna scream)



Seriously now, I am going for it, gonna wax the body, kit says "whole body wax". Not sure exactly what that entails but I am positive there will be wine involved in the process, before, during and after. I might even bathe in it. Hey I am just trying to be sexy for the holidays, we have a romantic get-a-way planned before we enter into 'familyhellville' for the holidays.
To begin it is always wise to read the instructions, they always make it sound simple and not very time consuming, don't ever be drawn into this delusion, it is not worth it. So a brief statement that they give you after removing the strip is "A slight reddening of the skin is normal for several hours after removing hair by the root, as is minor stinging sensation on sensitive skin. In other words "It is going to hurt like hell and what do you expect, you are yanking your hair out by the root. You will look like hell so don't show off just yet, until you can walk again or allow anything to touch or even breathe on it"

Then it gets even better, In the "CAUTION" area of this tiny printed instruction pamphlet is this:
DO NOT ALLOW WAX TO BOIL. DO NOT OVER HEAT. ALLOW TO COOL BEFORE PROCEEDING(I don't know about you, but I already knew this, as a child, I was taught not to apply boiling liquid to my skin; It could be just me, but I really hope that someone is not out there learning this point for the first time, from a wax kit instruction)
The plastic jar is designed only for use in the microwave. DO NOT USE IN CONVENTIONAL OR TOASTER OVENS. DO NOT APPLY DIRECT HEAT OR FLAME (Well hell, that just ruins the weekend, was gonna wax beside the campfire, and thought it would be handy to heat it up by holding it over the flame with a used 'Jiffy pop container)
DO NOT use on irritated, chapped, sunburned or cut skin, nipples, vaginal areas or hair inside nostrils, ears, or on eyelids/eyelashes. (They actually had to tell us this, I guess it would be simple if you had chapped, sun burnt nipples and/or vagina)
FOR EXTERNAL USE ONLY (whew, make sure the cat knows that, as the curious furball comes closer to inspect my insanity)




3 comments:

  1. Familyhellville? I've visited there many times myself. This year I am sending the folks a milk carton with my picture on it. I hope this excuses my absence.

    Good luck with the waxing! ouch.

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  2. Waxing is great, butt it is possible to hurt sensitive areas. Who would put it on their nipples?

    Secretia

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  3. Well the wax job is done and holy crap the pain. Why do I have such a need. I think the ape look should be in, sorta like mammoth woman rises again...where hair removal does not exist and it is perfectly acceptable to hairy all over

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