•Smelling bananas and/or green apples (smelling, not eating) can help you lose weight! (duh..smelling a donut and not eating it would help you lose weight too. It's when it goes into your body that it works its fat magic. Eat your fruit...smell your donuts)
•On average, each American ate 4.4 pounds of jelly last year. (From the look of some, the jelly was in a donut)
•Americans eat close to 10 billion donuts every year. (point taken)
•Five Jell-O flavors that flopped: celery, coffee, cola, apple, and chocolate. (eggplant I could understand, but celery, c'mon that would of been awesome)
•The two most commonly sold items in grocery stores are breakfast cereals and soda. (What happened to milk for the cereal?)
•A ‘jiffy’ is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. (I thought my mother just talked funny)
The gene pool could use a little chlorine!
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them
You're not my type - You just make me horny.
Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter
Is there an excuse for you?
Outta my way! My kid has to pee!
Sex is a sin, sins are forgiven, so stick it in
It's time to pull over and change the air in your head.
I drink to make people like you more interesting.
Safe to use around pets.
Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter
Instructions: Put on food
1. Do not use to pick up gasoline or flammable liquids 2. Do not use to pick up anything that is currently burning.
Unknown Vacuum Cleaner
Warning: Do not take this product, unless directed by a doctor if you have difficulty in urination due to enlargement of the prostate gland.
Midol Maximum Strength Gelcaps
Caution: Do not use near power lines.
Unknown Toilet Plunger
I believe that sex is the most beautiful, natural and wholesome thing that money can buy."
~ Steve Martin
Men are like firemen. To us, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing, we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur."
~ Jerry Seinfeld
"My boyfriend used to say, 'I read Playboy for the articles.' Right, and i go to shopping malls for the music."
~ Rita Rudner
Well that is all I can handle..needed a good laugh and to know there is still the amazing knowledge being spread throughout the world