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Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Doctor is in!

It was time for my yearly checkup about a month ago. I should start by saying I'm cheap so I go to the oldest & cheapest Doctors office in the state. Its not very fancy or even up to date by any standard. The office is actually still black and white. True story! My Doctor never joined the world of colorization as he felt it would then force him to update his wallpaper and curtains.

When you arrive at the outside it is sunny and very colorful. Once inside the building is black and white throughout it. I believe I must be one of his only living patients. I assume the rest died from car crashes involving that speedy new car, the Model T.


I tend to arrive earlier then scheduled so I can read the medical journals to pick up some free cutting edge health tips. So, now I am thumbing through their newest Jack and Jill magazine. Just filling my cerebellum up with all kinds of good information. This is one off the top of my head "The Mayo Clinic has absolutely nothing to do with Mayonnaise". You can have that first one from me on the house. The science and information just jumps out at you from the pages of the magazine.

Once in the office itself, the battle of modesty begins. The nurse and I fought over the whole "I need to get naked for the checkup issue". She is a professional and see's this type of struggle all the time, while I do this once a year. I then got totally nude as I had wanted to from the start. The nurse fought back saying all I needed to do was roll up my sleeve for the blood pressure test. I however, disagreed, as I wanted accuracy, with nothing restricting blood flow on any part of my body. I will say the office has updated some equipment to digital. The biggest change with getting your temperature taken rectally with a digital unit is you can choose the ending alert tone. I took full advantage of this luxury ,choosing the alert to be "The William Tell Overture".

Once the alert went off I could have sworn I heard the Lone Ranger charging through the Grand Canyon, with the music echoing off the the canyon walls. Later on I figured out the echoing of the orchestra probably played to the angle of the thermometer, shooting sound out my backside with all my manly contours. Outside of having the 2 second talk with the Doctor at the end, I was almost done. The nurse then walked back in to the room with a plastic cup. She asked me to fill it up in the bathroom. When done, she asked me to put it in the brown box on the wall. So, I completed my assigned task then carefully tried to open up this "Urine Shadowbox" and not spill any on me. Once done, I cleaned up and paid my 25 cent co-pay. I then finished off my day with an excellent meal at the Woolworth's cafeteria. I did say to Dr Kevorkian, with all his free time, too bad he couldn't make a difference with his skills. He said "yes but all my patients are old and in pain". I'm sure he will figure out something.

Till next time, Dr K.

Written by Mr. Monkey at the Laughing Monkey Stick

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2 comments:

  1. Now that was so funny shit, right there. I don't care who you are. Funny!

    ReplyDelete
  2. That was well-written and funny!

    ReplyDelete

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