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Thursday, November 11, 2010

When I forgot to dance

The sadness started to take over, the phobias started to win and feeling of being powerless in my surroundings took over.


Usually people with anxiety disorders hide it well, although in their minds they think everyone can tell. The fear of everyone looking at them when near other people is overwhelming.

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older (18% of U.S. population).

Anxiety disorders develop from a complex set of risk factors, including genetics, brain chemistry, personality, and life events.

Looking at the facts of anxiety and stress-related disorders, the realization that being alone in the turbine of fear seemed not to be the case. Could it help to know the facts or would it compile the feeling of despair?

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) affects 6.8 million adults, or 3.1% of the U.S. population. Women are twice as likely to be affected as men.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) affects 2.2 million, 1.0% equally common among men and women.

Hoarding is the compulsive purchasing, acquiring, searching, and saving of items that have little or no value.

Panic Disorder 6 million, 2.7% Women are twice as likely to be affected as men.

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) 7.7 million, 3.5% Women are more likely to be affected than men.

Social Anxiety Disorder 15 million, 6.8% equally common among men and women, typically beginning around age 13.

Specific Phobias 19 million, 8.7% Women are twice as likely to be affected as men.

Anxiety and Depression usually go hand in hand and it is not uncommon for someone with an anxiety disorder to also suffer from depression or vice versa.

When plagued with anxiety disorder, other disorders rear their ugly heads putting things into a much more complicated situation.

•Bipolar disorder

•Eating disorders

•Headaches

•Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS)

•Sleep disorders

•Substance abuse

•Adult ADHD (attention deficit/hyperactive disorder)

•BDD (body dysmorphic disorder)

•Chronic pain

•Fibromyalgia

•Stress

Information can be enlightening, to identify the reason for behaviors that were starting to interfere with life and relationships. When your ‘being’ hurts, your dreams scare you, not when you are sleeping but when you are daring yourself to dream big.

When you want to be famous but the utter thought of it makes you physically sick, contradictions you struggle with plant you in a mode of survival. When anxiety disorders are a force that takes over your life, you shelter yourself from embarrassment that does not exist, disappointments that have not happened, judgments’ that only you know about.

It is exhausting to evaluate yourself constantly. Evaluating your performance while you are performing takes away from the performance itself. Trying to guess other people’s reactions consumes you and invites panic and that feeling you dread. Avoiding situations gets easier the more you practice, if I could only disappear.

I stopped dancing….

When thrown into thought, knowing that to succeed and make things happen, I needed to promote myself. I have spent too much time finding ways not to exist and endlessly trying to find approval for every thought and idea.

Constantly searching for inspiration, guidance and direction and surrounding myself with tons of life coaches, quotes, articles and self-help books. Everyone knowing more than me; when I happen to find some inspiration, a spark of goal setting or dream making guidance, I had become a master of destruction and set up the process of unworthiness and failure.

Now I knew this was happening, that I was my own worst enemy and I realized I had stopped dancing.

In my daily search of ‘help me out of this hole’ I realized that I needed to write my bio with powerfully positive words…not just words on paper but words that were truths and I really needed to believe those words. Been to many sites where I read other peoples bios, impressed with most, one stood out. The words flew off the screen and I liked this person, no clue who she was but liked her.

Then it hit me, like a paper air plane that had been waiting to land, I had been trying to write about myself in a particular way, so it would sound good to others, so it would be ‘up to snuff’, to be proper, ‘good enough to get in the door’, set to guidelines and so on. Who exactly was I trying to write about, I had no belief that I was awesome, which would make all I wrote a bunch of fluff.

I forgot to dance…..

Crank up the music and dance like no one is watching.

I had searched for examples of bios, almost wishing I could be someone else to make it easier to write my own. Then I remembered all I had to do was dance, I am happy when I dance, it feels good, great exercise, mind relaxing……when I remembered to dance…..

I am a sexy, fun loving woman who believes that sometimes dancing in your pajama pants as the sun streams through the windows makes you a star in your show. Laughter and fun to start a day, then share it with the world because everyone needs to dance.




4 comments:

  1. WOW! Excellent Post! I do my own dancing every morning trying to get to the bathroom before it's too late. Enlarged prostate, ya know. Depression, in one for or another, can be so debilitating…I know from personal experiences. But it can be controlled, too. And not only with drugs. But exercise, sunshine and having support from your family and friends. Thanks for your post.

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  2. I liked this post because it was pretty personal and had a lot of good info on mental disorders. I'm a sufferer of anxiety disorders, too so I can empathize. I think you should dance your ass off and do whatever the fuck makes you happy. Everyone else can go straight to hell.

    I had to learn this the hard way in the past. Take care.

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  3. I wonder if you learn more the hard way, compared to everything being learned easily

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  4. There's something primeval and necessary about the dance... no wonder it's used so often in ancient religious rituals.

    Great post, from one interested in mental health to another.

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