This Goddess has Super Powers!
Oh yeah, I have some powers, the magical way I turn heads; make them want me. Oh they want to be me, I know they do. They are all staring at me now!
Hell, I am beautiful, stunning…
Well, these powers did not come easy, I had to earn them.
I will let you in on my secret, super, power ways, just because I am awesome too.
First step to awesomeness: Get the most amazing smelling shampoo, use Head & Shoulders, it will get rid of that itch, and it comes in some amazing scents these days.
Next: Make sure too soak those scratch pads off your heels, I think a file will help.
Then: Start at ankle and stand on one foot while shaving up to knee, now behind knee..might as well keep going. Other leg..now pits..
For more body parts that require Sasquatch rescue, you can use different methods. Pouring hot wax on skin and ripping each hair out by the root is an option, burning creams work sometimes or try all the methods to get the entire ape like image under control.
We now move to the monkey brows, but don’t stop there, start plucking the brows and move to entire face. Rip all the stray hairs on your face out, using a mirror and great light. I noticed that natural light is best, I can always see facial hairs that were not seen before, in the visor mirror of my car–and I am not plucking them there.
Try to shape your eyebrows so they match, if you screw up grab a pencil quick.
Move to the Moisturizing of entire body. Make sure to moisturize your face, make sure it is smooth and glowing, they sell sand blaster type gadgets that take off all the gukky skin cells for you. You could also use sand paper or a scrubbie thing from the kitchen…hey it works on pots, right?
Now that the exfoliating and moisturizing are done, check your entire face for random hairs again. They seem to pop up whenever and often.
ah what the hell is that?
…OK cover up!
Blend the foundation evenly over entire face…still check for weird-ass hairs on chin, cheeks and between eyebrows…if too much cover up gets on them they stand out like tentacles.
Brush brows..not sure why but I have one of those thingys for that.
Apply shadow…so both eyes look somewhat similar.
Mascara…freakin’ clumps…tissue rescue and your good.
Lip liner..now be sure to check this during the day, if your lipstick has left you and you just have liner left..it ain’t pretty. Make sure to reapply lipstick all day long.
Hang upside down shaking hair while blow drying it…body is the key here. Up lift those roots to bring out fullness. Be careful not to do it too long…just saying…be careful!
File nails, stroke on polish..clean polish from cuticles and finger tips and end table.
Put blouse in dryer while running through house in gitch…
<——Nothing like the gitch I have on, running through house. Gitch – My word for underwear, panties etc,
Breathe…take a sip of cold coffee, almost there, to awesomeness and power goddess.
Moisturize random body parts with body butter; pause and try to remember where you got the thousand jars of body butter from.
Back to mirror for final primping and adjustments:
Lipstick on teeth? nope,
Cow lick? can’t save it.
Perfume? cheap stuff or good stuff….easy does it.
Hair spray layer, extra powder on face, jewelry, socks…run down and get blouse..still in gitch.
Get dressed…do not touch white blouse to make up on face or will have to start over.
Beautiful, a triumph of goddessness! People looking…yup, I have done well..I look awesome..everyone is looking….I am turning heads. Some are even pointing……
Discover large clump of peanut butter and jam on my ass…I think there is even toast involved. A grimey turdball (affectionate name for a child-o-mine) left part of his breakfast on the chair which I sat on while putting my shoes on before I left.
People are staring at my ass alright……
the goddess thing…
you are on your own now. Sorry