Mother Goose admitted to Insane Asylum

As a child the world is just a large playground, the rhymes we grew up with seem like treasures of the past....but wait...when you hear them as adults, and you hear them with life experiences behind you...they are all just crazy!


It's raining, it's pouring;
The old man is snoring.
Bumped his head
And he went to bed
And he couldn't get up in the morning.
Does this not give you the impression of old men being very clumsy and they snore and sleep alot...and omg now you are one!

You crazy stalking lunatic!

Niceties have left the building, the claws are out and scratching warnings to all.

Online chat, social networks, forums and such, can be an awesome way to connect with the world. There are billions of people online. When you think of the profiles put together for all the sites, whether they be provocative, slutty, career oriented, self helping, self serving...niches up the yin yang; think of the thousands upon thousands of alias, avatars, hidden identities.

Who is behind the words? the innuendos? the fake names and personalities even?

You are asking what I am ranting about, telling me to calm down or at least make some kind of sense...well I am getting there.

What is your kink?

Last week's poll was "What's your kink?" The nice people who come to visit "Sex'n'Fries" let us know what their kink was.

Results from our visitorsBondage 18%
Swinging 13%
Porn 59%
Rabbit Fur 0%
Orgies 22%
Nothing I am normal 13%
Toys 27%
Voyeurism 36%

Who you calling a pussy?

Who you calling a pussy?
He is such a dick...

The slang for body parts are also used for describing someone. A pussy is usually used for a woman's vagina and for a wimpy person. There is something really wrong there. For what a vagina goes through during a lifetime..menstruation, childbirth, intercourse...and seriously that is more than enough to put up with. The most rebounding, Strong, cherished, worshiped part on a woman, and you affectionately refer to it as a 'pussy' then turn around and use it to describe a weak person. I do believe you need to learn how to use the word differently.

Quotes for Christmas and New Years

Now that you have eaten, opened gifts, what do you do between Christmas and New Years?

Christmas Quotes

Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home. ~Carol Nelson

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. ~Charles Dickens

Happy Holidays Everyone

"Merry freakin' Ho Ho" "You calling me a Ho?" "No you idiot" "Is the turkey done yet" "Who cares, your the ho" "Shut up stupid face"

As if a Christmas "celebration" can get this bad and this bizarre, well don't hold your breathe it can happen.

We have family obligations just like most, those times where putting in an appearance is important, family is important. Being together, even if you are drinking to suppress the notion of blurting things you should not say at a festive time as this. You are so counter-productive because the alcohol consumption is actually giving you the balls to blurt the true feelings you have about everyone in the room. The alcohol was to take away the thoughts of "Who gives a flying f*ck about your cat" from flying out of your mouth.

Happee Hulerdays to yu, wanna dance wef me?

It is the beginning of the season to pour another. Workplace Christmas parties, family get together, friends meeting up for a few...then after that New Years.

Mistletoe hanging from funny hats even, there is always the hang overs, the drunken fool that we will talk about in the upcoming year. Oh the joys of being joyful and staying jolly.

Holiday drinks

Holiday Workout -taking shape (unknown)

Well let's see now, been working out at the gym for twelve straight days now, trying to make it a good habit. We (husband and I) get in, warm up, rip our muscles a part, and go home. Once at home we move real slow, groan to lift our coffee cups, squeal to lift the cake from the plate to mouth. We shuffle to the fridge for a beer. We aide each other in dishing out the ice cream. We moan to pass the ketchup for our fries.

We have not lost any weight, no idea why. We have not lost our optimistic views. We have cut back on visiting the 'King' for a burger to twice a week. We have switched to light beer and only have three per day. We are trying to make it work.

Tacky Holiday Decorations should be shot

What happened to cranberry and popcorn garlin? Angels and Nativity scenes. Snowmen and sleighs. How did tacky get involved in our holiday season. Why do Christmas ornaments and lawn decorations come from the 'Dollar store' or 'Walmart'? Since when does a yard full of air filled, humongous balloon creatures become festive.

Since when is an 'Ipod' or computer become a personal sediment? When did it become the Holiday season in October? When has more been better, just so you can take months to pay it all back?

Where is Santa? Where is family cheer? Where is tradition?

A yard full of huge, inflatable ornaments have only one practice with a sling shot! Put a wreath up, lights and stop the tacky decorations.

Bring back the beauty of the holidays!

It could be 'Poutine' & 'Poutang'

It could be, but it isn't, it is 'Sex'n'Fries'

In Quebec Canada, came the invention of 'poutine'. Now if you have never had the pleasure to try this, make it a point sometime in your life. All it is, french fries, gravy and cheese curd. You can get it in different places but it will not be the same. When we went to Montreal QC, we had the utmost pleasure of devouring poutine from "Deno's", you can't even explain the awesomeness of it. When we went to central New York State, we ordered poutine (not on the menu) they brought fries with gravy and a slice of cheese on top. It was so funny and we ate it just for fun.

Are you a big loser?

How many advertisements, billboards, articles have you seen in your lifetime? Most have most likely been in the more recent years. Weight problems, either obesity or just those extra 20lbs have been our fad of this generation. Somehow lifestyles changed and our bodies did not think that was a great idea.
If you have found yourself in a place where a weight loss program is needed, then you have a big decision. The way you, personally, are going to lose weight will be totally different than someone else. There is no keeping up the Jones's here.

Do your research on different programs and ask yourself:
How ready am I to get started?
Do I think I can succeed at this?
Do I recognize the need for losing weight?
Am I concerned about my health due to this excess weight?
Do I want to look better?
Do I want to feel better?

Squeeze yourself into a fantastic sex life

A must workout, one that you can do anywhere and at any time. If you don't, you will be missing out on the wonderful benefits.

Let's go back in time, in 1952, Dr.Arnold Kegel, accidentally found a method for increasing genital strength; exercising the pubococcygeus(PC) muscle. Many therapists (not that I know any personally) believe that pumping up the PC muscle can help enhance sexual pleasure by strengthening orgasm and increasing your awareness of sexual sensations--whether you are a man or woman.

If any muscle is not used it will lose strength and the muscle around the genitals is no different.

I like to look at other men's tools...

Usually when it comes to tools, motorized objects or sports..I hear whah, whah, whah! But then when you start to think about it, two men talking about their tools and toys can be quite exciting and hilarious.

When a man compliments another man's tool, women should not be judgemental, there is nothing wrong with a man admiring another man's tool.

They take great pride in their tools, often times cleaning and lubricating them. Although their tools are not always organized or even work all the time.

Never mind the "Keeping up the Jones's" many men have tool envy and want the other guys tool, he would never tell you this, but you just know.

WAX ON WAX OFF (cover your ears, gonna scream)

Seriously now, I am going for it, gonna wax the body, kit says "whole body wax". Not sure exactly what that entails but I am positive there will be wine involved in the process, before, during and after. I might even bathe in it. Hey I am just trying to be sexy for the holidays, we have a romantic get-a-way planned before we enter into 'familyhellville' for the holidays.
To begin it is always wise to read the instructions, they always make it sound simple and not very time consuming, don't ever be drawn into this delusion, it is not worth it. So a brief statement that they give you after removing the strip is "A slight reddening of the skin is normal for several hours after removing hair by the root, as is minor stinging sensation on sensitive skin. In other words "It is going to hurt like hell and what do you expect, you are yanking your hair out by the root. You will look like hell so don't show off just yet, until you can walk again or allow anything to touch or even breathe on it"

Does Adult ADD exist? Maybe it is just me

I set out to write something on Adult ADD, which was about an hour ago. I checked my email, sorted CD’s, went to the bathroom, swept the front step, finished sorting CD’s, read half a chapter on how to be successful and then started writing about Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. I wonder if it affects me any

According to one website people who are affected have serious problems in one or more of the following areas:
• screening out distractions
• starting and completing tasks
• remembering tasks and plans
• organizing information and belongings
• being on time
• keeping priorities in order
• focusing on important tasks rather than low priority but interesting ones
• fulfilling their obligations on time

You should never self diagnose yourself, especially off the internet, but it could be a handy excuse for getting no where in a real big hurry.

How much "sex and fries" can you get in a week?

What? Did you think we just talked about zits here?
The response to "Sex'n'Fries has been magically delicious, "yes" I said it, and I am not drunk. (well maybe a little)

Let's talk "sex'n'fries", we want you to get your fill of it and as often as you possibly can, this is our public service to you, we care how much sex and fries you get. We are just caring people like that.

Words are only dirty if you let them be!

Whether you are writing a book, or a sexy note to the hot person in your life, it is always nice to have a list of sexy words to help you get the point across. Words always have several meanings and uses, but here are some that might be useful in the bedroom or at the end of your pen. Use them wisely.

Sex words:

Appetite - craving, demand, gluttony, greed, hunger, inclination, longing, lust, passion, ravenousness, relish, taste, thirst, urge, voracity, weakness, willingness, yearning,

Arouse - agitate, awaken, electrify, enliven, excite, entice, foment, goad, incite, inflame, instigate, kindle, provoke, rally, rouse, spark, stimulate, stir, thrill, waken, warm, whet,

Brutal - atrocious, barbarous, bloodthirsty, callous, cruel, feral, ferocious, hard, harsh, heartless, inhuman, merciless, murderous, pitiless, remorseless, rough, rude, ruthless, savage, severe, terrible, unmerciful, vicious,

What do they mean "For crying out loud"?

Phrase: "Fit to be tied" Use: *When he saw the credit card bill, he was fit to be tied.*
SnF use: I can be fit to be tied, you get the silk scarf...

Phrase: "Piss like a racehorse" Use: *I have to piss like a racehorse*
SnF use: I bet guys wish they were more like racehorses in other ways too...
Origin of saying - Show horses and racehorses spend a great deal of time in their pens and come to feel safe and secure there. They don't like to urinate outside of those pens and in many cases won't. They are  returned to their pens to allow them to urinate. So racehorses are often walking around outside of their pens with an urgent need to urinate.

Phrase: "Rub it in" Use: *I know my new hair cut is awful, don't rub it in*
SnF use: If I get naked, you can rub it in,on, under, where ever you please
Origin: Short version of "Rub salt in the wound". Salt in an open wound causes it to sting.
Alternative: the action of rubbing a fluid onto an object to make the fluid penetrate. As in rubbing a lotion into skin.

Phrase: "In the pink" *I have been working out and feel that I'm in pink*
SnF use: I will work you out and get into the pink
Origin: In traditional English fox hunting, hunters wore scarlet colored jackets called pinks. If you are wearing your pink, you are ready to go hunting.
Alternative: Refers to the rosy color in ones cheeks when in good health.

Acne blow up, Popped Zits, Aging Anger

Yes, here it is, anger, rants and raving over pimples. You get to a certain age where acne should not occur. I have paid my dues, done my time, won the battle...hell...grew up. Forties are not where skin blemishes belong. What the hell have I done to deserve this.

No one should have to live like this, beautiful skin is expensive, demanding and irritating. I just want to be beautiful, smooth, wrinkle free, glowing skin forever...I know what you are saying "Get your head out of your ass and face reality". But I am not listening so "Talk to the hand". I can whine if I wish...remember "Paid my dues, gained years....aggggeeeed!

We all have a whole lot of nothing to say about nothing "STOP TALKING"

Company Figures
More than 350 million active users
More than 35 million users update their status each day
More than 55 million status updates posted each day
Pages have created more than 5.3 billion fans
Average User Figures

 Average user has 130 friends on the site
Average user spends more than 55 minutes per day on Facebook

This is just amazing, I have a facebook, I actually created the account in the first place to keep an eye on my kids. Then they realized they can control who sees what..."teens know everything didn't you know?"
You get on there and scroll through the endless status updates of people doing nothing and then letting you know they are doing nothing. I could of guessed that they were getting ready for work, eating supper and really not very happy about anything without reading about it. I am just that preceptive without the aid of facebook; but yet I go there, put in my status of nothing and sometimes just make it up so I sound like I even care about what I am doing and that is why I am letting others know about it.

Happy freakin' Holidays!

He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree. ~Roy L. Smith

You won't believe this but I have not bought one gift yet. I just cannot get into this Christmas thing this year. It has been one of those years you do not want to repeat. Not only should we be celebrating Christmas and the holidays but also the end of a year from hell.

Well I know I need to figure out what to buy everyone, but it is just too stressful. The hubby and I already bought our gym membership for our gift. "Here honey, a gym membership in the hopes you look better soon"

So you want to stuff a hot dog in it?

What are Nitrites?

Nitrites are salts or esters of Nitrous Acid. Nitrites are found naturally in many foods (formed by reduction of naturally occurring Nitrates).

Commercial Uses of Nitrites

Nitrates are used for Food Preparation Methods
Synthetically manufactured Nitrites are used as Food Preservatives for many Processed Meats and are commonly present in Smoked, Pickled and Cured Foods.

Are Nitrites Harmful?

There are some toxic effects of Nitrites:
Amino Acids - Toxic Byproducts-Nitrites can combine with Amino Acids within the Stomach to form Nitrosamines that are extremely potent carcinogens capable of causing Cancer in many parts of the body, especially:
- Esophagus Cancer
- Larynx Cancer
- Mouth Cancer

Can you believe I follow these twits?

Twitter Tuesday is a new thing for us, it is where we gather things people have twitted, we don't say who they are from but we do have some comments to add to them. It is just for fun and hope you have fun too.

There is more to Sex and Fries that meets the eye

The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person. ~P.J. O'Rourke

One of the reviews we received for the blog, was "First impression = This must be one of the porn movie service. But after reading it, I was totally wrong..I love reading your blog and I will be sure to come back."

What made me stop and think a bit was the "First impression". To me our site looks nothing like any porn movie service..I have seen those and this ain't it!
I know the name has the word "Sex" in it, and in some cases I think just that word brings about a corrupt perception on things.

You cannot be serious?

You can’t be serious (Warning some are gross and rude and you know found on the net)
Thought I would find some interesting information and all I can say is “You can’t be serious”
Found it while I was out and about looking for nothing and wasting time. Thought I would be nice and share with you.

Sex Dictionary

angry dragon - n. Ejaculating in someone's mouth and then hitting them in the back of the head, forcing the cum out of their nose so that they look like an angry dragon breathing fire.

cock snot - n. Humorous term for semen

donkey punch - n. Having anal sex with someone and punching them in the back of the head to make them pass out. Said to induce a clenching of the anal sphincter in the unconscious person.

facesitting - n. A fetish practice where a woman sits on a man's face, smothering him.

gorilla salad - n. Pubic hair.

smurf - v. Slapping someone in the face with your penis

In London, it's illegal to have sex on a parked motorcycle.

In China, women are prohibited from walking around a hotel room in the nude. A woman may be naked only while in the bathroom.

In Minnesota, it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish.

It is illegal for any member of the Nevada legislature to conduct official business wearing a penis costume while the legislature is in session.

In Ventura County, California cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.

Sorry, you can't see my boobs anymore.

I am really sorry, but I just can't see you anymore. You have to go. Go peacefully and I am sure to find another that can hold me up.
I need better support these days and your holes are too big. You don't wrap around me tight enough. I need something better that will caress me softly, hold me gently. I need to be shown off and proudly so. I need to be pushed up to my full potential.
You are just plain ugly, you were not always dreadfully useless, I thought you had potential to last longer. To let me swing when I needed and to protect me when needed. I needed you to cover me.
Well it is now time to part ways, to go to better things, maybe in a nice black lace or something.
I paid a fortune for you and you let me down, I need to get my bounce back and it will not be with you.

I am not a blog whore, but I still want visitors to my blog

Well you have a blog, you write whatever you think is interesting, you want to share with the world. You want to be known for having something to say, and you want visitors, traffic, groupies, stalkers, crazed loonies gawkin' at your stuff. Well maybe the last bit is just me, but you get what I mean.

You need to do some research, you just opened up your sole on the Internet and want people to read it. You go to searches for "get traffic to my blog" or "Please visit my blog I feel like a lonely loser"

This is not a dead chicken between my legs

It is bumpy, red and looks nothing like any porn star or Playboy model I have ever seen.
I just can't stand it anymore, do I just let it grow out? The horror that would be, after shaving for so many years now, it would grow down to my knees into a forest, the hell with a bush.

What do you do now? Shaving sucks, creams suck and burn, waxing..omg freakin' pain.
Even your pubic hair has a "in" state. It is "in" to wear high boots. It is "in" to wear big bug sunglasses and it is "in" to be bald as you could possible be.

I would never want to be "not in", there might be a inspection at some time. So honestly now, what the heck is a gal to do. Besides eyebrows, eyelashes and the hair on my head, are women suppose to have no other hair. Just dip me in a vat of hair remover and clean me off.

Razor bumps, rashes, pain, up better be getting some for all that trouble.

Do women watch porn?

Do women watch porn? Well duh!

According to "Violet Blue" in O magazineIn the first three months of 2007, according to Nielsen/NetRatings, approximately one in three visitors to adult entertainment Web sites was female; during the same period, nearly 13 million American women were checking out porn online at least once each month. Theresa Flynt, vice president of marketing for Hustler video, says that women account for 56 percent of business at her company's video stores. "And the female audience is increasing," she adds. "Women are buying more porn." (They're creating more of it, too: Female director Candida Royalle's hard-core erotic videos, made expressly for women viewers, sell at the rate of approximately 10,000 copies a month.)
Women are watching porn, some with their mates and some without.
We have always known men watched porn, the bachelor party is notorious for such behavior. Why do we even have to ask if women are watching porn?