🌟 Confidence After 40 Is Quieter — And Stronger

Jan 11
3 min read

THE CONFIDENCE MYTH

We were taught that confidence looks a certain way.

Loud.

Bold.

Unapologetic.

Always on display.

We were told confidence means speaking up first, taking up space, never doubting yourself, and always knowing exactly what you want.

But something interesting happens after 40.

That version of confidence starts to feel… exhausting.

And quietly, without much announcement, a different kind of confidence begins to take its place.

CONFIDENCE CHANGES BECAUSE YOU DO

Confidence after 40 doesn’t come from proving yourself anymore.

It comes from:

What you’ve survived
What you’ve released
What you no longer tolerate

You’ve lived enough to know that loud certainty isn’t the same as inner knowing.

And you’ve learned — sometimes the hard way — that performing confidence costs more than it gives.

PEOPLE ARE NOT FLAWED

Products have flaws.

They are made by humans, and sometimes the design isn’t perfect.

But people?

People are not broken.

We aren’t assembled by others. We are shaped by experiences, learning, and the world around us. Our feelings — joy, sadness, confusion, anger, grief — don’t make us flawed.

They make us whole.

This is where confidence after 40 deepens.

You stop treating yourself like a problem to solve — and start honoring yourself as a person still becoming.

PUTTING YOURSELF TOGETHER

You are physical, mental, and spiritual.

Every moment, every emotion, every reaction builds the person you are right now. Tomorrow may bring new experiences. Your feelings may shift.

And still — you will be exactly as you should be.

True confidence comes from self-connection:

Acknowledging what you’ve lived
Respecting your emotions
Trusting your growth

As the saying goes:

“It is not what happens to you but the way you react to it.”

Everything counts.

Everything adds up to who you are.

THE SHIFT FROM PERFORMING TO BEING

Earlier confidence often looks like:

Seeking approval
Over-explaining
Saying yes when you mean no
Pushing through discomfort to be liked

Midlife confidence sounds different.

It sounds like:

“No, that doesn’t work for me.”
Silence instead of justification
Walking away without proving your point
Trusting your gut — even when it scares you

This isn’t weakness.

It’s refinement.

WALKING IN SOMEONE ELSE’S SHOES

Relief, sadness, and longing often walk together — especially in loss.

After my dad passed, I wrote:

“Walking in someone else’s shoes will give you sore feet.”

No two people experience the same situation the same way. Even when circumstances look similar, the emotional reality can be entirely different.

Judgment fades when we remember that.

A better invitation might be this:

“Don’t walk in my shoes — walk beside me in case I fall.”

Empathy isn’t about understanding perfectly.

It’s about being present.

And confidence after 40 allows space for that — for yourself and for others.

WHY QUIET CONFIDENCE IS STRONGER

Quiet confidence doesn’t need witnesses.

It’s rooted in:

Self-trust
Emotional regulation
Boundaries
Compassion

You stop needing everyone to understand you.

You stop arguing with people committed to misunderstanding you.

You choose peace — not because you’re afraid, but because you’re done wasting energy.

That’s power.

THE SEX’N’FRIES TRUTH

Confidence after 40 isn’t about becoming someone new.

It’s about returning to yourself.

Stripped of performance.

Rooted in truth.

Built from experience.

You are not broken.

You are not flawed.

You are put together by life.

And the woman who knows that?

She doesn’t need to shout.

She stands.

🎙️ EXISTING PODCAST

Episode Title: People Are Not Flawed

If this resonates, I talk more about this idea — and how it shaped my own healing — in the episode “People Are Not Flawed.”

If this feels like something you needed to hear, Sex’n’Fries is where we talk about confidence, identity, and midlife — without pretending.

🍟 FINAL FRY THOUGHT