Learning to See Yourself Again

WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU’VE BEEN LOOKING AWAY

At some point, many women realize something quietly unsettling:

They’ve stopped really seeing themselves.

Not physically — but emotionally.

Not in mirrors — but in truth.

Somewhere between responsibility, survival, caregiving, productivity, and expectation, self-recognition fades.

You keep going.

You keep functioning.

You keep showing up.

But you feel distant.

Learning to see yourself again isn’t dramatic.

It’s subtle.

And it usually begins with noticing what you’ve been ignoring.

HOW WE LEARN TO LOOK PAST OURSELVES

Most of us were taught to prioritize:

• Being useful

• Being agreeable

• Being productive

• Being needed

Looking inward wasn’t encouraged.

So we learned to scan rooms instead of our own bodies.

To read other people instead of ourselves.

To adjust instead of ask.

Over time, self-awareness dulled — not because we didn’t care, but because we were busy surviving.

WHY MIDLIFE CHANGES THE MIRROR

Midlife disrupts autopilot.

Hormones shift.

Energy changes.

Tolerance thins.

Truth surfaces.

You catch your reflection and feel unfamiliar — not bad, just different.

That moment isn’t loss.

It’s invitation.

SEEING YOURSELF WITHOUT JUDGMENT

Learning to see yourself again doesn’t start with confidence.

It starts with presence.

Not:

• “I should look different.”

• “I should be further along.”

But:

• “This is where I am.”

• “This is how I feel.”

• “This is what I need.”

The mirror becomes less about appearance and more about honesty.

THE RED HEEL REVELATION (WHEN SEEING BECOMES EMBODIED)

The answer to self-sabotage is… not sabotaging yourself.

Sounds simple, right?

Years of research, hundreds of dollars on self-help books, and countless motivational audiobooks led me to that groundbreaking realization. I could’ve saved myself a fortune if I’d just slipped on those red heels sooner.

(Okay, I said six inches on the podcast — but let’s be real. Three inches feels like six when it’s me. 😉)

Writing has always been my therapy. When I look back through my journals, I see the rhythm of my life — confidence rising, doubt creeping in, courage followed by retreat.

I had mastered self-sabotage.

Talking myself out of opportunities.

Staying small.

Calling fear “being realistic.”

It became comfortable. Safe. Familiar.

Until one question cracked something open:

“When was the last time you felt outstanding?”

I’m not a shoe girl. Shopping isn’t my thing. But one night, friends convinced me to go dancing — and to buy a pair of red high heels.

Completely out of my comfort zone.

And the second I put them on, something shifted.

I walked taller.

I caught glances.

I laughed louder.

I felt seen.

The pain in my feet didn’t matter.

What mattered was remembering what it felt like to be visible.

Those red heels weren’t about fashion.

They were about permission.

COMFORT ZONES, SELF-SABOTAGE, AND THE HIGHER SELF

One quote I’ve carried with me says this:

“Your higher self is in direct opposition to your comfort zone.”

Those red shoes became a reminder:

• Stand out

• Step into discomfort

• Be visible

• Say yes — even when it scares you

Confidence isn’t found by staying safe.

It’s discovered in moments of courage, wobbling a little, and choosing not to shrink.

WHAT SEEING YOURSELF AGAIN ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE

It looks like:

• Letting yourself be seen

• Choosing discomfort over invisibility

• Dressing, moving, and speaking for you

• Saying yes without overthinking

• Trusting that your presence doesn’t need permission

Seeing yourself again isn’t about perfection.

It’s about participation.

🎙️ PODCAST

Episode Title: The Red Heel Revelation

I tell this story — and unpack self-sabotage, confidence, and visibility — in the episode “The Red Heel Revelation.”

THE SEX’N’FRIES TRUTH

You don’t need to reinvent yourself.

You don’t need to become someone else.

You need to stop hiding from the woman you already are.

Seeing yourself again doesn’t mean everything suddenly makes sense.

It means you stop stepping out of the frame.

🍟 FINAL FRY THOUGHT

The red heels sit in my closet now — not as a fashion choice, but as a reminder.

You can’t grow if you keep yourself small.

Stand tall.

Wobble if you must.

Step anyway.

Your higher self is already waiting.