Thursday, September 30, 2021

EP. 15: SERIOUSLY. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?

 

The answer to self sabotage is not to self sabotage yourself.

Years of research and several book shelves filled with self help books have brought me to this astounding conclusion.

I could have saved myself a few bucks or hundreds if I would have put the red heels on. (in the podcast I said they were 6 inches but 3 inches feels like 6 to me: only referring to shoes though lol)

Writing has always been a therapy to me, when I look back on my stuff across the years, there is an ebb and flow; up and down; high and low, to most of it.

Self Sabotage, I have mastered, that trait or quality is apparent whether I would like to acknowledge or not.
Drowning in inspiration and advice from the books, podcasts and audio books, my "ah ha" moment or what I call my "holy crap" moment started to come clear to me.

Not that I did not know this already, the notion I lack self-confidence, and that I sabotage everything with my fears; the new realization was the fact that I was waiting for something to change. What the hell was I actually waiting for?
All this time waiting for change just to happen. Was it to come in a lightening bolt to jolt my life into a new direction? Maybe a special delivery right to my front door?

It is not going to manifest, especially with me shutting the door on change every time it appeared.
I took some time to reflect, stood back from it all before the pieces started to come together. Now in no way am I where I want to be but the door is open for new and exciting things to enter my life.
One thing that holds me back is the lack of self-confidence; it is more an ingrained negative self-perception that most likely has some deep seeded root that someday will surface.
First thing that sparked was when I was listening to an interview that led to the question: 'When was the last time you felt really good'. My answer was.......
First of all, I dislike shoes and shopping all together and I often wonder if I am some other kind of breed of woman. I like simple or at least that is what I thought before.

Friends had invited us out for an evening of dancing, at a club. You see high heels on women all the time, it is normal but not for this chick. My friend convinced me that I needed to let loose and have some fun, get dressed up and go all out. We went shopping and I actually purchased high heels.
Totally out of my comfort zone, I turned heads, attention was on me, and I survived. My feet hurt like hell but I ROCKED.
In amongst the shelves of self help I read: "Your higher self is in direct opposition of your comfort zone”
My comfort zone has weighed me down to a point that I become complacent and as harsh as it sounds, I became useless. I was, in a whole, the useless component to making my dreams a reality.
As corny as it is, "my higher self was in high heels!"
Comfort be damned.
My comfort zone was the 'invisible me' blending into my surroundings. Alone in my safe comfortable zone where the world does not judge me.

The red shoes are my reminder that I actually look awesome, feel powerful, accomplish goals and totally ROCK outside of my comfort zone.

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EP. 15: SERIOUSLY. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?

  The answer to self sabotage is not to self sabotage yourself. Years of research and several book shelves filled with self help books have...