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Episode 15 - SERIOUSLY. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?

The answer to self-sabotage is not to self-sabotage yourself. Years of research and several bookshelves filled with self-help books have brought me to this astounding conclusion. I could have saved myself a few bucks or hundreds if I had put the red heels on. (in the podcast I said they were 6 inches but 3 inches feels like 6 to me: only referring to shoes though lol) Writing has been a therapy. Looking at past writing, you can view the ebbs and flows, ups and downs, and highs and lows, to most of it. Self Sabotage, I have mastered; that trait or quality is apparent whether I would like to acknowledge it or not. Drowning in inspiration and advice from the books, podcasts, and audiobooks, my "ah ha" moment, or what I call my "holy crap" moment, started to come clear to me. Not that I did not know this already, the notion I lack self-confidence and that I sabotage everything with my fears; the new realization was the fact that I was waiting for something to change. What the hell was I waiting for? All this time, I was waiting for change to happen. Was it to come in a lightning bolt to jolt my life in a new direction? Maybe a special delivery right to my front door? It will not manifest, especially with me shutting the door on change every time it appears. I took time to reflect and stood back from it all before the pieces started coming together. Now in no way am I where I want to be, but the door is open for new and exciting things to enter my life. One thing that holds me back is the lack of self-confidence; it is more an ingrained negative self-perception that most likely has some deep seeded root that someday will surface. The first thing that sparked was when I was listening to an interview that led to the question: 'When was the last time you felt outstanding? My answer was First, I'm not too fond of shoes and shopping altogether, and I often wonder if I am some other breed of woman. Second, I like simple, or at least that is what I thought before. Friends had invited us out for an evening of dancing at a club. You always see high heels on women, but not for this chick. My friend convinced me I needed to let loose, have some fun, get dressed up, and go all out. So we went shopping, and I purchased high heels. Totally out of my comfort zone, I turned heads, attention was on me, and I survived. My feet hurt like hell, but I ROCKED. Amongst the self-help shelves, I read: "Your higher self is in direct opposition to your comfort zone." My comfort zone has weighed me down to the point that I have become complacent, and as harsh as it sounds, I have become useless. I was, on the whole, the useless component of making my dreams a reality. As corny as it is, "my higher self was in high heels!" Comfort be damned. My comfort zone was the 'invisible me' blending into my surroundings. Alone in my safe, comfortable zone where the world does not judge me. The red shoes remind me that I look awesome, feel powerful, accomplish goals, and ROCK outside my comfort zone.


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