💋 The Red Heel Revelation: Escaping the Trap of Self-Sabotage. Sex'n'fries Podcast Episode 15

The answer to self-sabotage is… not to self-sabotage yourself.

Sounds simple, right? Years of research, hundreds of dollars in self-help books, and a personal library of motivational audiobooks led me to that mind-blowing revelation. I could’ve saved myself a fortune if I’d just slipped on those damn red heels sooner.

(Okay, in the podcast I said they were six inches, but come on—three inches feels like six when it’s me in them. Only talking about shoes though, let’s be clear. 😉)

Writing has always been my therapy. When I look back through my journals, I see the rhythm of my life—the highs and lows, the confidence and collapse, the evolution of a woman trying to stop getting in her own way.

I’ve mastered self-sabotage. It’s practically an art form for me. Whether it’s doubting my abilities, talking myself out of opportunities, or quietly letting fear drive, it’s been my comfort zone. But here’s what hit me like a bolt of truth one day:

I kept waiting for change to happen.

Like it was supposed to show up with a flashing neon sign saying “Your new life starts here!”

But change doesn’t deliver itself. And it sure as hell doesn’t show up when you keep slamming the door in its face.

It took some deep reflection (and a lot of coffee) to realize that the only thing holding me back… was me. My lack of self-confidence had become my safety blanket. My fear of failure was my excuse.

Then one day, I heard a question that cracked something open inside me:

“When was the last time you felt outstanding?”

My answer took me by surprise.

See, I’m not a shoe girl. I hate shopping, and I’ve always been a “keep it simple” kind of woman. But one night, some friends convinced me to go out dancing—and to buy a pair of high heels. Red ones.

Totally out of my comfort zone, but the second I put them on, something shifted. I walked taller. I caught glances. I laughed louder. I felt seen. My feet were killing me, but damn, I rocked it.

And that’s when I realized—My higher self was in high heels.

Among the hundreds of self-help quotes I’ve collected, one line sticks with me:

“Your higher self is in direct opposition to your comfort zone.”

My comfort zone had become my cage. I wasn’t protecting myself; I was hiding.

Those red shoes? They remind me to stand out. To walk into discomfort. To be visible. To say yes to life, even if it scares the hell out of me.

Comfort be damned.

Because confidence isn’t found sitting safely in the background—it’s discovered in the moments you dare to stand out, wobbling in three-inch heels, smiling anyway.

So, my red shoes sit in my closet, not as a fashion statement, but as a reminder: You can’t grow if you keep yourself small.